I don't read many novels. I was denied higher education by my mother because she thought I should get married and education would be wasted on me.
I read so much, books on physics, mathematics, history, aeronautics, psychology. Always trying to make up for what I must have missed.
A favorite topic of mine is religion and spirituality. I studied employee benefits and became an employee benefits manager.
Along the way, while I was helping myself fill a void, I found a way to serve others.
I remember a family who were kept apart for over a decade because of American immigration policy. I wrote many letters for our employee attesting to his employment with us and that I knew him for many years. This was not part of my job. One day, at the company Christmas party, I was very surprised when a tiny woman came up to me with a hug. 'You're the woman who wrote all the letters!' She pointed to her teenage children. They were all in America, and they were beaming at me!
I read the book 'Tuesday's with Morrie.' About a man with ALS, this is a true story about the wisdom of a dying man. One thing I remember was Morrie asking how we have given back to our community, to our society. I felt guilty, thinking I don't coach little league baseball like my husband. I just go to work every day. I spent 30 years taking trains for 2 or more hours a day to work in New York, handling a demanding Benefits Manager's position. I had two pension plans, a 401k and group insurance to worry about. There were thousands of people depending on these plans to take care of their medical, dental, life insurance, disability, retirement and savings needs. The company depended on me to keep these plans in legal compliance and maintain their cost-efficiency.
I didn't see that I had found a profession that served people. When they were sick, they came to me to help them. When insurance matters got too complicated, they came to my desk or called and I would untangle the issues. When they died, I would see to their survivors benefits for their families. Buying a house, they would come to me to work out 401k loans or withdrawals. I took care of retirement, maternity disability, and helped when mental or substance abuse issues created a need for specific treatment or bridging of insurance coverage. I served people all day long, using my intellect and know-how with compassion. I didn't realize how many people I've reached, touched, helped.
Looking back, before I began that career, at age 20, I found myself alone and emotionally depleted from a failed marriage to an emotionally abusive man who was a hard drinker and unfaithful husband. I had blocked out all the most emotionally stressful memories of two painful relationships. I had nothing to live for and nothing to come home to. My memories were gone and I was literally missing ... myself. I was a shell of my former personality. I knew I had no one who needed me, and no reason to come home.
One day I saw a commercial about children who needed help in South America. I watched the little children running through the fields. They needed help, and I wanted to help. I had just started a new job as a secretary in a personnel department in NY. I didn't make much money, but for the first time in several years, I was financially stable. I needed to be there for those kids.
It was then I became a member of Foster Parents Plan, and I knew there were people who needed me. I had a reason to go on. They assigned me to be the foster parent to a little girl in Indonesia. Over the years I've helped raise several of these children, rescuing them from poverty and providing the basics of a clean home, healthy food, clothes and education.
I've been a member ever since, helping to feed, clothe, and educate children in foreign lands. Today they are called Childreach or Plan International:
https://www.planusa.org/
Whenever I feel unfulfilled, I remember the movie It's a Wonderful Life, and I think back on the people who have different lives because I was put here on this earth. My wonderful son, my friends, my spouse, people I've helped or trained. I realize it's not about me. It's for you. We are here for each other.
We all know how to help one another. When our families or extended families struggle, we do what we can, financially, emotionally or physically to help. I do that too and I know you do. We reach out and support local food banks and charities. In America we have several safety nets to help struggling families and senior citizens. When we work and pay taxes, we help support our fellow citizens and educate the next generation. These are all good, worthy causes. But we are also citizens of the world. I'm grateful I've also had a chance to help children in Nicaragua and Indonesia and now as a contributor to the general fund, anywhere in the world where children are in need.
There is a saying Giving is Receiving. All you can take with you is the character you build.
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