Recovering The Lost Mind

I need to get another memory back.  


My Higher Mind has said 
"We are One We are Whole. We are nothing without her; she is nothing without us."  
It has then proceeded to delete my personality and my memories.  
"35 years is but a blip in time."
Why have I done this, to ... myself?  
I realize that I cut off relationships with people when they cause me too much pain. This seems to have started with my mother, when I cut her off emotionally before I even hit my teens. She was an emotionally damaged, needy woman, and as I was an empathic child, she was draining me.  
I was placed here with her to heal her, and I failed her. I judged her. I was not ready for this Christlike function. This pattern continued and I became more and more closed off from people, isolated. My Higher Mind may have done this to teach me the errors of cutting off anyone. It illustrated this vividly when I was 20, by permitting me to see the waves of thought coming from the man I loved, Joe. He was very angry with me, and he apparently considered severing our relationship. I saw the wave of anger come toward me, and turn into knives. I felt this cut me. It traumatized me.
Even the least among us is a child of God, a creation of the Highest Mind, and it is part of the whole. When I deny them, I deny Christ. When I deny Christ, I deny myself.
" ... I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me nothing to drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't take me into your homes. I needed clothes, and you didn't give me anything to wear. I was sick and in prison, and you didn't take care of me.' "They, too, will ask, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or as a stranger or in need of clothes or sick or in prison and didn't help you?'  "He will answer them, 'I can guarantee this truth: Whatever you failed to do for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant [they seemed], you failed to do for me.' " -- Matthew 25
Joe has had to live for years with the ramifications of his thought and actions. My mind deleted him, and I moved away. The Truth was he loved me, but he had done too much damage ... to my mind. When he found me, I did not even know him.
"The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold." -Aristotle
The error of cutting off ... anyone ... is a devastating error. The person you remove from your life, is yourself. Part of you is gone, abandoned, condemned to oblivion. Here goes another hard-learned lesson, which I would do well to never ... forget.
I have to get this memory back. What did I do ... with myself.